19 October 2007

Oh, this could only be my life.

I did indeed go to the party last night, and cute-boy-with-dog kissed me. Unfortunately, I've determined he's a rental.

The shindig was interesting. It was partly for Homecoming (which I could give a rat's ass about) but more for CBwD's roommate. An Indian from Worcester, England, UK. Hello gorgeous British accent. Thankyouverymuch. Anyway, it was IfWEU's birthday and the to-do was in celebration of that. It was a fairly diverse group. A number of Indian grad students, a few African-American women and one man, some generic honkies, and a Hispanic couple.

Anyway, on to the events of the evening. It started off well, getting introduced and being immediately labeled as "cool" (I'd like to know when I started being "cool" because I don't really consider myself being that way). Drinking of beer, dancing, etc. CBwD and I were dancing occasionally, and flirting a bit, and then he put his face into mine and I told him he shouldn't be such a tease, and he kissed me. I, obviously, kissed him back. Pleasant, and just enough tongue, but not enough teeth. That little foray was interrupted by Virgin Indian Engineering Student, and VIES apologized for interrupting, and seemed a bit embarrassed by the situation. I did my standard "no worries" response and went on with the evening. I think there was a bit more kissing, and again, it was pleasant, but (and SavageCats will understand this) I wasn't really kissed.

More conversations ensued, and eventually I found myself out on the patio with VIES. (CBwD had hit his drunken limit and was put to bed with a glass of water and a plastic bucket. Sexy.) VIES decided then to tell me he was attracted to me, that I was the most feminine woman at the party (wait, what?) and that he wanted to know if he could kiss me. I told him that I was flattered at his interest, but that I wasn't really comfortable with that. He then proceeded to tell me that he was 22 years old, a virgin, his girlfriend back in India was fucking around on him with her ex-boyfriend, and that he'd like to lose his virginity to me.

Let me repeat that. He. Would. Like. To. Lose. His. Virginity. To. Me.

I again reiterated the "flattered" part, but told him that he really didn't want to lose his virginity to me. I didn't want that level of responsibility. And, honestly, it goes against my sexual belief structure to pop someone's cherry when they haven't mentally or psychologically explored their own sexual kinks. I also told him that there wasn't anything wrong with being a virgin at 22, which there isn't. But my god, I did not want that responsibility. No siree-Bob.

There was another aspect to it, as well. One that I didn't tell him, and I didn't even realize until I thought about it this morning (well, afternoon, actually). I can hear you now. "Oh, Adjunct Slave, are you about to tell us that you harbor a bit of racism? We're so disappointed." Some people might consider it to be racist, but I look at as being aware of cultural differences. You see, kissing CBwD was one thing. Yes, CBwD is white, but more importantly, he's American. I know that if it had progressed past kissing, it'd either be a one-off or a "for fun" excursion. With VIES, I'm not that aware of southern Indian culture, and I didn't know what the ramifications of a kiss would be, much less the implications associated with sex.

I know, when in Rome... But, there's the issue of even when in Rome, one carries their culture-of-origin baggage with them and we all have a tendency to view the world through our own filters, no matter how hard we may try not to.

Plus, the sheer responsibility for being someone's first. Eep! While you generally think you'll remember everyone you've slept with, there are some that fall into the hazy grey space of memory. If someone brings it up, you recall, but it's not part of the "oh yeah, I remember their name, rank, and serial number" reality that one's first sexual intercourse generally is.

I suspect that CBwD will be feeling a little awkward (and very hungover) when he sees me next, but I doubt I'll feel awkward. With anyone that I saw or interacted with at that party. A number of them will be a little fuzzy for name-to-face recognition, but I've become remarkably comfortable with who I am, and I didn't do anything where I made a fool out of myself. I will admit to being a little hungover today, because I foolishly didn't eat enough food before going to the thing, but I slept the sleep of the dead and that was nice, too.

Will I kiss CBwD again? If the opportunity presents itself, probably, but only if sober. I'm curious if he was looking at the world through beer goggles and upon sobriety will realize that I'm not the typical American pretty girl. I'm not skinny. I'm not reserved. And I am definitely not quiet. But, he is a rental. Not even a test-drive, or a rent-to-own. He's not relationship material as far as I'm concerned, but he might be fun to hang out with. We shall see. If I don't mention CBwD again, you'll know what's happened.

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