31 March 2007

Another day...

Another year of prepping for grad schools.

All of the places I applied to sent me very nice "Thank you but no thank you" letters. And honestly? I can't blame them. I didn't do the legwork that I should have done, and now I know better for next application season.

So, between now and then, I continue teaching, prepping for a retake of the GREs (preferably at a site that doesn't have a problem with burn in on the monitors), and I start finding out as much information as I possibly can from any source that's willing to help me. In fact, I start on Monday. Since I'll be in the same city as my first undergrad university, I figured that I would pop off an email to a former professor that attained Most Favored Professor status.

I think he'll be a very valuable source of information.

I've also discovered that while I love British history, World War II history, and Tokugawa Shogunate history, I need to figure out where I want to spend my focus. This will be my life. British history is fantastic and fascinating, but is that where I want to spend my life? Same with WWII and TSJ. So, back to inspection of the historical navel, as it were.

And then, I start emailing anyone that might email me back.

15 March 2007

Thoughts...

180.5
43

And my Spring Break starts a week from today.

I'm looking forward to seeing 5 friends as a result of this trip to the east coast. I'm also looking forward to spending some time with an old friend when I get back.

...I still have to send in/submit resumes/do whatnot for the grand job hunt.

And I'm really hoping to get back on a sane sleep schedule soon.

14 March 2007

This is Calcutta. Bohemia is Dead.

I forgot to point out something...

While I was running errands, I was listening to "La Vie Boheme." Windows down (because it's insanely warm here), driving down Main Street. At a stop light in "downtown."

Families all around.

The line "creation, vacation, mutual masturbation!" came out of my speakers (and my mouth) loud as could be. And many pairs of eyes swiveled toward me.

This is my life.

Hey, artist! Ya got a dollar?

Today I got errands done.

For anyone else, this wouldn't be a big deal. Some of you may sit there and think, "ew, errands. I hate errands. I know where the Slave is going with this..."

I hate errands, but for a completely different reason from most people.

You see, errands are the bane of any ADHDer's existence. I had three stops to make today: Sam's Club (for a DVD and gas), State Farm (to pay my insurance), and the grocery store. I went into Sam's and picked up the DVD I was looking for (Casino Royale, if anyone was interested), and picked up about 8 others that were decent flicks and on the cheap rack. I also picked up a book, got my card updated to the new one so I could get gas, and got gas. So far so good, right?

I go to pay my car insurance at State Farm. On my way there, I go past the grocery store. Do I remember that I have to go to the grocery store as I pass it? No. Most people, seeing the grocery store would trigger the "I have to go there" reminder. Me? I drive right by it to get my insurance paid up.

I come home. I have to send out a resume, and apply for a position opening at the university. Have I done either of those yet? No.

Have I put away the things I bought at Sam's? No.

Have I started grading papers? No.

What have I done? I've cleaned up my bedroom (to a very minor extent),
changed the sheets on my bed (we're not even going to talk about how long it's been since that happened last), listened to "Rent" a few times, put Casino Royale in the DVD player and it's been sitting on pause for at least two and a half hours... because I needed to clean my bedroom.

As a break between cleaning, I called the guy who canceled the date in Boston and threw an olive branch at him (because ADHD makes you so sane when it comes to interpersonal relationships) and said if he's still interested in meeting for coffee when I'm in Boston, I'd be up for it. Also told him that I thought his ignoring me was bullshit, if he wanted to have nothing to do with me again, he should man up and tell me (essentially).

Probably not the wisest thing to do, but it's done.

Here's the key about my type of ADHD. I'm inattentive/impulsive type. When I do things, they seem like fantastic ideas at the time. Calling someone on their shit? Perfect. I appreciate it when people call me on my shit. Doesn't everyone? (Answer: No.)

("I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine.")

And after I do something like that, I sit and think about it for a while. Stew. Ponder. And it's the same reason that I have a tendency to get obsessive. Because of the chemical cocktail in my brain resulting from ADHD, conflict and other highly emotionally charged things are actually mentally soothing to me. I can't help but wonder if I could afford my meds, and I was on them, would I have done that? Would I have made that (probably foolish) phone call?

Would I offer up so much (too much) of myself when I'm getting to know a person that there's the possibility for a romantic interest?

I send a thousand voicemails and emails a year that I wish I could take back. That I wish time would stop right before the send button was pressed.

Despite all of this, I love my brain. I think I'm more creative for my "disability." Everything looks a little different to my eyes than it does to anyone else. But there are still days where I wish for nothing more than to be "normal."

13 March 2007

And sometimes just being is reason enough

I was just outside, enjoying some of the sunshine when a student walked by. I could tell by his gait that he was one of our "special services" students... Developmentally delayed. Mild retardation.

As he walked near me, I said "hi" - because that's what's expected of me as an instructor here, and because that's what I do. He muttered a "hi" in return and kept walking a few paces. Then he turned around.

"Um. Hi. Excuse me. Can I... Can I ask you two questions?"
"Sure!"
"I have an assignment, I need to ask people their names and what they do."
"Absolutely!"

So, he rummages through his backpack, pulls out a green sheet of paper with the words "Assignment 4: Meet new people." and three locations to put name and occupation.

I was the first person on his green sheet.

After he filled out my name and my occupation (Teacher), he thanked me for helping him, put his things in his backpack, and started walking away. He then turned around and introduced himself. As he walked away again, he dropped his pen. I stood up, picked up his pen, and called him by his name to let him know he had dropped it.

Just calling him by name made him smile. And I started to wonder if he felt invisible. Even around our campus, the typical students ignore the special services students. Occasionally mock them. Don't say hi. Don't bother to learn their names.

As I was walking back in to the office, I had a Shakespearean muse. Would Greg by any other name seem less invisible?

Did the simple act of remembering and calling him by name really create that small level of connection that so many of us take for granted?

Two minutes of my day. And I think that Greg impacted me by his willingness and bravery more than I could have imagined when I woke this morning.

Today's reason

Because sometimes, you just have to wake up to remind yourself to take a breath.

Because sometimes, pain is the reminder that you are living.

Because sometimes, you hope that the Universe is wrong.

Because it only lasts 24 hours, and then it starts all over again.

11 March 2007

Open request to the Universe:

I went twenty years without. I had a month and a half with. I am now without again, and I am attempting to reconcile this in the dark and swirly place that is my mind.

I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop popping up with derivatives, be it in my crossword, my location hits, my television programs, or my radio.

It was not my choice, but it is something I have to abide by. I have done all I can, and now I am giving it up to the Universe. Time will tell what will occur, and I'm trying very hard not to cry out in frustration. Release a barbaric yawp! I am attempting to pick up the pieces that were left from this somewhat shocking and shattering event. I am trying to find the fine line between hope and a fool's errand. I am doing my best to cope with the situation as it stands.

So I'd really, really appreciate it if you would just stop fucking with my head.

No Love,Thank you,
--as

If it's March, it must be Midterms...

And out come the obligatory "I'm not doing well, can I still get a B/pass the course/wash your car until the end of time?" emails.

Great Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, kids... halfway through the semester (that would be why they're called midterms) is a little past the time to go, "Houston, we have a problem."

...Of course, the Slave just realized that it's 4 am where she is... Stupid "Spring Forward" time of the year. I don't want to grade midterms tomorrow. I'd rather sit at home, watch (and mock) the History Channel, and knit.

So, in a way, thank you to those students that decided to blow off the midterm. Thank you to the students that have all but dropped, except for doing the paperwork. It gives me just that much less to grade in the way of midterms.

I think that next semester, I'll be chucking the essay part of the midterm and just dropping it down to identification terms and multiple choice. I give them enough writing assignments over the semester. I should be nice to the poor students, shouldn't I?

...Hmm. Maybe. Maybe not.

09 March 2007

It all makes sense now

"It's like a God complex."
"What's God?"
"You know when you want something and you close your eyes and you wish really hard for it? God's the guy who ignores you."
-- The Island

Not turning out to be a great movie, but has some good lines.

08 March 2007

Midterm Victory

There is a student that I've suspected of cheating on his quizzes.

So for the midterm, I forced all the students to sit at least one seat apart.

Guess who got the low score on the midterm?
If you guessed the suspected student, you were right.

Guess who was among the high scorers on the midterm?
If you guessed the student who he used to sit next to, you were right.

Guess who's feeling oh-so-vindicated right now?
If you guessed Adjunct Slave... you so get an e-cookie.

To all students out there... if you think you're getting away with cheating, you're not. We lowly instructors are just biding our time to fuck you over. And we will. Oh yes. We will.

05 March 2007

Who to the what now?

I love this... AI is practicing law without a license.

Favorite quote from the article:
"...ruling that the software was effectively practicing law without a license."

While I'd love to be a judge in this case, I'm so glad I left law school

01 March 2007

Out of the mouths of babes...

So, during break today, a CIS student was telling me how he just bought a Wii, and downloaded Super Mario Bros. I told him I can't think of SMB without thinking of Dane Cook and we had a good laugh about that.

So we go back into class.

I ask (during review) why DOS has it's own Virtual Machine under 9x/Me. A different student responds:

Because DOS plays with itself.

I think my approximate response was o.O

Looked at the student with the Wii and just lost it.

Well, at least the day got better after the start from Princeton. They said no, too.