05 October 2006

Hi, I have a student with audio-hallucinatory schitzophrenia, how are you?

Believe me, I wish this was a joke.

Remember Grunting Woman?

Okay, let me backtrack.

I have a student that loves his iPod. Every time he comes to class, he's got those tell-tale white earbuds in... Except today. So I asked him, "hey, where's your ears?"

iPod Boy:"Oh, miss, I forgot to recharge my iPod. So I'm without it today, I'm so out of sync."
Adjunct Slave:"Too bad. Well, you just gotta listen to the music in your head. Remember, music in the head good, voices in the head, bad."
iB"Well, I got those too."
AS:"You do realize that's a symptom from the DSM IV for schitzophrenia... Right?"

Cue Grunting Woman.

GW: "I've got that. But they've got medication for it. Sometimes it works."
AS: "Interesting. You know if the voices tell you to do things, it's paranoid schitzophrenia." (I'm honestly thinking she's just trying to get in on the conversation, and that she's joking.)
GW: "Nope. Mine don't tell me what to do. They just talk to me."
AS *thinking* Holy fuck. Did a student seriously just announce to the class that she has audio-hallucinatory schitzophrenia? Where the hell am I teaching.
AS: "And with that, let's start class. There's some interesting things in the news today..."

...I really need to win the lottery. With as absolutely fucked up as this place is, something good has to come out of it.

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