Dear Mrs.¹ Benevolent Dictator/Adjunct Slave:
I am sending you my assignment that was due last week2. I know it is late, but I hope I can still receive any type of credit3. I am sorry it was so late, but I have not have any access to a computer because mine has not been working4. I also had trouble finding the Chicago Style type of format so that I could cite my references in my assignment. If there are other sites that will help me find this please let me know. Finally I was wondering if I could still take a quiz for chapters One through Four5. If I cannot let me know. I know this assignment is due past its deadline, but I sent it to let you know that I am still making an effort even though I am in the position I am in6.
Idiot R Procrastinator
¹Strike 1: I am not a Mrs. I am a Ms. or a Miss. Do not assume that I am a Mrs. Do not ma'am me.
2My department (Lawd bless 'em) has a policy that we are required to accept papers up to 7 days late. No more. After 7 days, that's it.
3RTFM, d00d. I clearly state in at least a million places on the course that late assignments are accepted for one week after the due date. Nothing past that. Asshat.
4So sorry your computer is not working. Guess what. You signed up for an online class. It is your responsibility to get the assignments done and turned in on time, regardless of what your computer is doing. Go to an internet cafe. Idiot.
5I'm guessing if my policy for assignments is hard-ass, my policy for re-opening quizzes is going to be in much the same vein. Get a fucking clue, dipshits. I ain't yo mamma. I don't care about your problems.
6All that effort still won't get you a cup of coffee. All that effort and about $2.50 will. I have another stumper for you... Guess who doesn't give out grades based on effort. Oh, that's right. ME!
Adjunct Slave's Actual Response:
Idiot R Procrastinator:
Websites to help you with citing in Chicago format can be found in the Assignment Format document under "Course Documents" on the main page.
The policies of my department disallow me from accepting any assignment in excess of one week past the original due date. I cannot re-open the quizzes for chapters 1 through 4, either.